Last night I found myself drawn by the smell of yeast and beards to Cambridge where I found a charming ale festival in full swing. And who did I bump into but Nottingham’s very own Mathematics post grad. Dan had made the trip down to his old haunts in order to sample such delightful ales including ‘Double Momentum’, ‘Transforming Tomorrow’, ‘Golden Shower’, ‘Old Stoatwobbler’, ‘Trip Hazard’, ‘Yule Fuel’ and ‘Granny Wouldn’t Like It’. Dan it would seem has done magnificently for himself rounding up his post grad thesis in the coming weeks and with a place secured on a post doc although he is slightly concerned that this is a bit too much like a real job as he will be forced to pay taxes! In any event that is avoiding the major news which is that Dan is now engaged! The date is due to be set shortly with venues being scouted out. He seemed less than impressed with my suggestion of The Victoria but there is still time for him to come round. All toasts will be done not with the conventional champagne rather with something all together my aley and delicious.
Now to get back to nursing my hangover. Over and out.
ST
Saturday, 23 January 2010
Friday, 15 January 2010
Some things I heard...
Exciting news gang, I just started up my own investment company ‘Sleazy Tiger’s Investments’. We mainly deal in the transportation and distribution of goods from Eastern Europe, free samples will be sent to you all soon. Please treat them nicely (Joe I am looking at you)
This Tiger has heard that a young juggler/spinner/actor/DJ/all round nice guy is doing rather well for himself north of the boarder. An interview today for some sort of marketing managerial position. Additionally he is going in for some acting roles and attempting to launch a fire spinning business. Good luck to him! ‘Fingers in pies’ as he said.
Speaking of fingers in pies a certain ex-estate agent turned creative numbers man met a lovely young lady although upon the revelation that she is 15 and from Essex swiftly removed his finger from said pie and passed her details on to the Head Librarian in my library of sleaze. No doubt she will be catalogued and dealt with appropriately.
The sad (but delicious) news I am forced to share with you is that you are all invited to the funeral/dinner party of poor Stew. A certain law student picked him up, loved him for a while and has since got bored discarding him like a piece of meat. Webmonkey – you have been warned…
That only leaves me to say a very happy birthday to Nainesh, I do hope I put enough air holes in the present I sent you otherwise you could be receiving three dead hookers. When you are done with them I tattooed on a return address so just pop them in the post, thanks.
Sleazy Tiger
(Director of STI)
This Tiger has heard that a young juggler/spinner/actor/DJ/all round nice guy is doing rather well for himself north of the boarder. An interview today for some sort of marketing managerial position. Additionally he is going in for some acting roles and attempting to launch a fire spinning business. Good luck to him! ‘Fingers in pies’ as he said.
Speaking of fingers in pies a certain ex-estate agent turned creative numbers man met a lovely young lady although upon the revelation that she is 15 and from Essex swiftly removed his finger from said pie and passed her details on to the Head Librarian in my library of sleaze. No doubt she will be catalogued and dealt with appropriately.
The sad (but delicious) news I am forced to share with you is that you are all invited to the funeral/dinner party of poor Stew. A certain law student picked him up, loved him for a while and has since got bored discarding him like a piece of meat. Webmonkey – you have been warned…
That only leaves me to say a very happy birthday to Nainesh, I do hope I put enough air holes in the present I sent you otherwise you could be receiving three dead hookers. When you are done with them I tattooed on a return address so just pop them in the post, thanks.
Sleazy Tiger
(Director of STI)
Friday, 11 December 2009
Sleazy Tiger's nomination for 'Man of the Year'
This is an approved message from the Office of Sleazy Tiger:
As all of the readers of this Blog will know, Sleazy Tiger is the King of all that is immoral. He is the Sheikh of Swearing, the President of Promiscuity, the Rajah of Rampaging and the Dean of Drugs. ST's position in these areas has never been challenged and never will. Like a tenured professor, he bestrides his chosen arena like a God. However, and unlike a tenured professor, this Lord of Lechery occasionally recognises and praises lower mortals who have done not-so-great deeds.
Of recent, Sleazy Tiger's attention has been drawn to one such man: a well known man, a rich man, and clearly a distant relation of our own ST.
That's right, it's Sleazy Tiger-Woods.
Until the last few weeks, Woods was considered by ST to be pathetic, contemptible even. He was the kind of goody-goody golden boy who'd never tried a joint, never nicked a chocolate bar from a shop, never tied a Malaysian Ladyboy to a rock and whipped them till they died. However, when Woods managed to forget his driving lessons and hit not just a tree but also a fire hydrant whilst reversing (a feat only bettered by Evil Joe who managed to take out an entire school of orphans whilst in neutral) the lurid stories that followed caused him to quickly climb in ST's regard.
First he lied to Police. Did anyone, ANYONE, in the world anywhere really believe the official line that his wife was trying to rescue him by breaking that rear window with that golf club? Golf Clubs are useful for two things only:
A)as an excuse to get away from your significant other.
B)and being used by your significant other to beat you senseless when she finds out what you were really doing when you were out 'golfing'.
So STW had started sticking it to the man. This impressed ST. But then he kicked it up a notch. Mistresses Tiger thought he'd lined up, putted and then left in a hole covered in Tiger-Love started crawling out into the light of day. At the last count STW was nearing a double figure round of cheating*. This tickled ST so much that he sent STW a congratulatory telegram. In the form of a hooker with 'Way to go you son-of-a-bitch' tattooed in a personal area that a frisky Tiger would surely discover.
[*ST is however distinctly disappointed that so far none of these floozies fits the 'Hugh Grant Theorem.' This states that any celebrity that could have any sexual partner in the world will voluntarily sleep someone who wouldn't get nailed in the world's worst-looking bar with a five drink head start and an entire Tesco's worth of paper bags over their head.]
So Tiger Woods is dead, long live Sleazy Tiger-Woods. But what does this mean for the philandering golfer? Well, his sponsors are deserting him like alcoholics from an AA meeting. But ST feels that when one door closes, another opens. And whilst that door for ST is generally one to a brothel, for STW it may just be an opportunity.
Picture the scene. Tiger is lining up a long putt for the win on the 18th. Suddenly, his eye is caught by an attractive female marshall, who draws him out of shot into the long rough off the fairway. The crowd begins an appreciative murmur, a rising crescendo punctuated by occasional shouts of 'GET IN THE HOLE!' Suddenly, the masses go wild. STW strides out of the grass, zipping his fly with one hand and acknowledging the crowd with the other. His ball lies unnoticed and unmolested on the green. The picture fades to black and the simple message is left:
'Just Do Her'
This has been a message of support for Sleazy Tiger-Woods. When no one else will stand beside you, Sleazy Tiger will do. Though he may pick your pocket at the same time.
As all of the readers of this Blog will know, Sleazy Tiger is the King of all that is immoral. He is the Sheikh of Swearing, the President of Promiscuity, the Rajah of Rampaging and the Dean of Drugs. ST's position in these areas has never been challenged and never will. Like a tenured professor, he bestrides his chosen arena like a God. However, and unlike a tenured professor, this Lord of Lechery occasionally recognises and praises lower mortals who have done not-so-great deeds.
Of recent, Sleazy Tiger's attention has been drawn to one such man: a well known man, a rich man, and clearly a distant relation of our own ST.
That's right, it's Sleazy Tiger-Woods.
Until the last few weeks, Woods was considered by ST to be pathetic, contemptible even. He was the kind of goody-goody golden boy who'd never tried a joint, never nicked a chocolate bar from a shop, never tied a Malaysian Ladyboy to a rock and whipped them till they died. However, when Woods managed to forget his driving lessons and hit not just a tree but also a fire hydrant whilst reversing (a feat only bettered by Evil Joe who managed to take out an entire school of orphans whilst in neutral) the lurid stories that followed caused him to quickly climb in ST's regard.
First he lied to Police. Did anyone, ANYONE, in the world anywhere really believe the official line that his wife was trying to rescue him by breaking that rear window with that golf club? Golf Clubs are useful for two things only:
A)as an excuse to get away from your significant other.
B)and being used by your significant other to beat you senseless when she finds out what you were really doing when you were out 'golfing'.
So STW had started sticking it to the man. This impressed ST. But then he kicked it up a notch. Mistresses Tiger thought he'd lined up, putted and then left in a hole covered in Tiger-Love started crawling out into the light of day. At the last count STW was nearing a double figure round of cheating*. This tickled ST so much that he sent STW a congratulatory telegram. In the form of a hooker with 'Way to go you son-of-a-bitch' tattooed in a personal area that a frisky Tiger would surely discover.
[*ST is however distinctly disappointed that so far none of these floozies fits the 'Hugh Grant Theorem.' This states that any celebrity that could have any sexual partner in the world will voluntarily sleep someone who wouldn't get nailed in the world's worst-looking bar with a five drink head start and an entire Tesco's worth of paper bags over their head.]
So Tiger Woods is dead, long live Sleazy Tiger-Woods. But what does this mean for the philandering golfer? Well, his sponsors are deserting him like alcoholics from an AA meeting. But ST feels that when one door closes, another opens. And whilst that door for ST is generally one to a brothel, for STW it may just be an opportunity.
Picture the scene. Tiger is lining up a long putt for the win on the 18th. Suddenly, his eye is caught by an attractive female marshall, who draws him out of shot into the long rough off the fairway. The crowd begins an appreciative murmur, a rising crescendo punctuated by occasional shouts of 'GET IN THE HOLE!' Suddenly, the masses go wild. STW strides out of the grass, zipping his fly with one hand and acknowledging the crowd with the other. His ball lies unnoticed and unmolested on the green. The picture fades to black and the simple message is left:
'Just Do Her'
This has been a message of support for Sleazy Tiger-Woods. When no one else will stand beside you, Sleazy Tiger will do. Though he may pick your pocket at the same time.
Wednesday, 9 December 2009
10/12/09
Okay sleaze fans, ST here, plenty of things to update you all on…
In no particular order then, Spin Doctor. To my knowledge not many major developments of late. I understand he has discovered the joys of graphic novels. I have a new favourite but I will give you more details of that one later. I am recommending anything by Alan Moore and for those interested in History Maus, Red Son and From Hell make for particular highlights. In other news the Spin Doctor has evidently proven himself to be a shining star in the office gaining a 30% pay increase. This tiger speculates the addition weekly cash will be blown on blow and beer.
From one spinner to another then as we delve into the wonderful world that is the life of Reuben. He has asked me to draw your attention to a special beer, Adnams ‘Christmas Star’. This beer scores 7/10. Sleazy Tigers ‘Beer of the Week’ winner however has got to be ‘Santa’s Wobble’ mainly for the name but also for the deep complex flavours and high alcohol content. 9/10. Further more we wish Reuben the best of luck with his music which can be found somewhere on the internet.
All that talk of beer has reminded me of another man who enjoys the odd tipple. Evil Joe has no doubt been partaking in the occasional drink whilst not busily making up excuses to explain the lack of books on shelves to final year students panicking about impending deadlines. I suspect that the drinking and slow reshelving rate may have some correlation? Joe has been attempting to juggle at least once a week although does feel a little cheated by the cunning marketing ploy of the club to get more members. Turns out the cute female juggler that signed him up no longer attends regular club sessions. Better luck next time. One final note on our budding young photographer, it seems that he has been on a little trip to Ipswich. Photographs are improving with each upload however I have to wonder if the secret to his success is taking over 1000 photographs in order to get the four worth keeping?
Who is next… Mira – Milo, Miley, Malaysia. Yes, Mira has gone back to Malaysia for the Christmas break having suffered months of complicated law questions and the constant drain of living with the threat of being stuck by an errant juggling club. One particular incident that may have scarred poor innocent Mira forever is a certain sleazy book about the ‘adventures’ of Dorothy, Wendy and Alice. When will you learn? If Tristan says something is ‘amazing’ then I advice not opening the pages that can only contain depravity on a level you could not imagine in your worst nightmares. Speaking of another Tristan – Mira misunderstanding for some unbelievable reason Mira thinks Tristan will be in a coherent enough state to collect her from the airport on 1st January. How long have you known him?! He has plans with a Romanian girl so that could lead anywhere. Incidentally I may have stolen your keys and gone on a sleazy road trip, your car is somewhere in Bulgaria.
Tristan then, he is, as ever, having a turbulent time of it. Back to the joy of unemployment. Well actually worse, working in the job that he aimed to avoid at any and all costs. He is now a trainee accountant working for the worlds most demanding boss. Still at least it is not lettings consultancy. On a brighter note Tristan has plans for fun and games in London toward the end of next week including what looks to be a great night out in a gay club. As we know, often the best place to meet the ladies, no competition and guards lowered – I predict a wondrous evening.
That just leaves me to wish Adam a happy birthday for next week. Now I am off to find myself some Yates Girls, do not wait up kids.
ST
In no particular order then, Spin Doctor. To my knowledge not many major developments of late. I understand he has discovered the joys of graphic novels. I have a new favourite but I will give you more details of that one later. I am recommending anything by Alan Moore and for those interested in History Maus, Red Son and From Hell make for particular highlights. In other news the Spin Doctor has evidently proven himself to be a shining star in the office gaining a 30% pay increase. This tiger speculates the addition weekly cash will be blown on blow and beer.
From one spinner to another then as we delve into the wonderful world that is the life of Reuben. He has asked me to draw your attention to a special beer, Adnams ‘Christmas Star’. This beer scores 7/10. Sleazy Tigers ‘Beer of the Week’ winner however has got to be ‘Santa’s Wobble’ mainly for the name but also for the deep complex flavours and high alcohol content. 9/10. Further more we wish Reuben the best of luck with his music which can be found somewhere on the internet.
All that talk of beer has reminded me of another man who enjoys the odd tipple. Evil Joe has no doubt been partaking in the occasional drink whilst not busily making up excuses to explain the lack of books on shelves to final year students panicking about impending deadlines. I suspect that the drinking and slow reshelving rate may have some correlation? Joe has been attempting to juggle at least once a week although does feel a little cheated by the cunning marketing ploy of the club to get more members. Turns out the cute female juggler that signed him up no longer attends regular club sessions. Better luck next time. One final note on our budding young photographer, it seems that he has been on a little trip to Ipswich. Photographs are improving with each upload however I have to wonder if the secret to his success is taking over 1000 photographs in order to get the four worth keeping?
Who is next… Mira – Milo, Miley, Malaysia. Yes, Mira has gone back to Malaysia for the Christmas break having suffered months of complicated law questions and the constant drain of living with the threat of being stuck by an errant juggling club. One particular incident that may have scarred poor innocent Mira forever is a certain sleazy book about the ‘adventures’ of Dorothy, Wendy and Alice. When will you learn? If Tristan says something is ‘amazing’ then I advice not opening the pages that can only contain depravity on a level you could not imagine in your worst nightmares. Speaking of another Tristan – Mira misunderstanding for some unbelievable reason Mira thinks Tristan will be in a coherent enough state to collect her from the airport on 1st January. How long have you known him?! He has plans with a Romanian girl so that could lead anywhere. Incidentally I may have stolen your keys and gone on a sleazy road trip, your car is somewhere in Bulgaria.
Tristan then, he is, as ever, having a turbulent time of it. Back to the joy of unemployment. Well actually worse, working in the job that he aimed to avoid at any and all costs. He is now a trainee accountant working for the worlds most demanding boss. Still at least it is not lettings consultancy. On a brighter note Tristan has plans for fun and games in London toward the end of next week including what looks to be a great night out in a gay club. As we know, often the best place to meet the ladies, no competition and guards lowered – I predict a wondrous evening.
That just leaves me to wish Adam a happy birthday for next week. Now I am off to find myself some Yates Girls, do not wait up kids.
ST
Monday, 26 October 2009
Watchtiger
Watchtiger – saving you money to spend on hookers and blow
We now bring you this exclusive. Watchtiger has received numerous reports of shady dealings in London’s world of property rentals. A firm, who we may not name for legal reasons, have been accused of dirty practices in the promotion and leasing of houses. One particular employee has been identified as being wholly and solely complicit in such underhand acts. We are not authorised to name this individual, however in this article he shall be known under the pseudonym ‘Rristan Tedburn.’
Watchtiger decided to collect evidence of these alleged misdemeanours. Two of our investigative team, posing as a prospective couple, used a hidden camera to record shocking footage. The misleading descriptions and outright falsehoods they received are documented in the transcript below:
[BEGIN TRANSCRIPT]
Rristan Tedburn (RT): Pleasure to meet both of you. [Flashes pearly white winning smile] Are you ready to see your new house?
Targeted Watchtiger Anonymous Team-man (T.W.A.T.): I thought you said this was a nice area?
RT: But it is. Or at least it will be. The current residents...
Subtle Lady Uncovering Turpitude (S.L.U.T.): A tramp pissed on me on our way here!
RT: The current residents are slowly being pushed out by the influx of young urban professionals. Take that gentleman for instance. [Points at a suited man across the road] A fine example of the standard of tenant you can expect in this neighbourhood.
T.W.A.T: He’s a drug dealer.
RT: I doubt that.
T.W.A.T: Then why did he offer me some ‘Brown Sugar’ when he approached us before you arrived?
RT: Because he is a Pimp and not known to diversify. Shall we go inside? [Hurriedly moves couple into house]
RT: So, as you can see it is a Victorian terrace, tastefully furnished and kept to the highest standard.
S.L.U.T: Tastefully furnished? It’s practically empty!
RT: That is what is so tasteful about it. This house has been furnished to appeal to a wide range of design opinions. Take the living room for example; it has a minimalist look whilst having all necessary fittings to fulfil any requirements.
S.L.U.T: It’s got a plank of wood balanced on two boxes.
RT: A rustic, minimalist look. Shall we check upstairs?
RT: As you can see, it is an open plan attic bedroom, with skylight and en-suite facilities.
T.W.A.T: By en-suite facilities you mean that bucket?
RT: And so close to the bed, such convenience!
S.L.U.T: And when you say skylight, do you mean that hole in the roof? [points to 1.5x1 metre gap in ceiling]
RT: Hole? Calling that a hole defames the groundbreaking vision of the architect. This is an Immersive Skylight. It brings the outside environment in, involving you in your surroundings. If you want to feel closer to nature then this is the feature for you.
S.L.U.T: And what happens when it rains?
RT: You get really immersed in nature.
T.W.A.T: I can’t believe this.
RT: It shocks me too. Such opulence for just £350 a month. An absolute bargain even if I say so myself.
T.W.A.T: You really expect us to pay that much to live here?
RT: For the first year yes.
S.L.U.T: First year?
RT: Our standard contract is laid out as follows. You pay the base rate for the first year, in this case £350 a month. [RT speaks very quickly] For every further year you pay the standard rate multiplied by the distance from the Meridian line, divided by the number of times your wife consents to lay with me (Biblical style) and then multiplied by the number of grains of sand in a cubic inch. [Back to normal speaking speed] Just the normal contract conditions really.
S.L.U.T: How long would we be tied into this contract?
RT: That depends.
S.L.U.T: On what?
RT: Do you believe in an everlasting soul?
[END TRANSCRIPT]
We now bring you this exclusive. Watchtiger has received numerous reports of shady dealings in London’s world of property rentals. A firm, who we may not name for legal reasons, have been accused of dirty practices in the promotion and leasing of houses. One particular employee has been identified as being wholly and solely complicit in such underhand acts. We are not authorised to name this individual, however in this article he shall be known under the pseudonym ‘Rristan Tedburn.’
Watchtiger decided to collect evidence of these alleged misdemeanours. Two of our investigative team, posing as a prospective couple, used a hidden camera to record shocking footage. The misleading descriptions and outright falsehoods they received are documented in the transcript below:
[BEGIN TRANSCRIPT]
Rristan Tedburn (RT): Pleasure to meet both of you. [Flashes pearly white winning smile] Are you ready to see your new house?
Targeted Watchtiger Anonymous Team-man (T.W.A.T.): I thought you said this was a nice area?
RT: But it is. Or at least it will be. The current residents...
Subtle Lady Uncovering Turpitude (S.L.U.T.): A tramp pissed on me on our way here!
RT: The current residents are slowly being pushed out by the influx of young urban professionals. Take that gentleman for instance. [Points at a suited man across the road] A fine example of the standard of tenant you can expect in this neighbourhood.
T.W.A.T: He’s a drug dealer.
RT: I doubt that.
T.W.A.T: Then why did he offer me some ‘Brown Sugar’ when he approached us before you arrived?
RT: Because he is a Pimp and not known to diversify. Shall we go inside? [Hurriedly moves couple into house]
RT: So, as you can see it is a Victorian terrace, tastefully furnished and kept to the highest standard.
S.L.U.T: Tastefully furnished? It’s practically empty!
RT: That is what is so tasteful about it. This house has been furnished to appeal to a wide range of design opinions. Take the living room for example; it has a minimalist look whilst having all necessary fittings to fulfil any requirements.
S.L.U.T: It’s got a plank of wood balanced on two boxes.
RT: A rustic, minimalist look. Shall we check upstairs?
RT: As you can see, it is an open plan attic bedroom, with skylight and en-suite facilities.
T.W.A.T: By en-suite facilities you mean that bucket?
RT: And so close to the bed, such convenience!
S.L.U.T: And when you say skylight, do you mean that hole in the roof? [points to 1.5x1 metre gap in ceiling]
RT: Hole? Calling that a hole defames the groundbreaking vision of the architect. This is an Immersive Skylight. It brings the outside environment in, involving you in your surroundings. If you want to feel closer to nature then this is the feature for you.
S.L.U.T: And what happens when it rains?
RT: You get really immersed in nature.
T.W.A.T: I can’t believe this.
RT: It shocks me too. Such opulence for just £350 a month. An absolute bargain even if I say so myself.
T.W.A.T: You really expect us to pay that much to live here?
RT: For the first year yes.
S.L.U.T: First year?
RT: Our standard contract is laid out as follows. You pay the base rate for the first year, in this case £350 a month. [RT speaks very quickly] For every further year you pay the standard rate multiplied by the distance from the Meridian line, divided by the number of times your wife consents to lay with me (Biblical style) and then multiplied by the number of grains of sand in a cubic inch. [Back to normal speaking speed] Just the normal contract conditions really.
S.L.U.T: How long would we be tied into this contract?
RT: That depends.
S.L.U.T: On what?
RT: Do you believe in an everlasting soul?
[END TRANSCRIPT]
Sunday, 25 October 2009
The Good, The Bad and The Ugly
I know it has been a while, I can only say I am very sorry, I was temporarily detained by the security services in Bulgaria. All a horrible misunderstanding of course.
So, news, Jim… It would seem that he has managed to procure a female for staff spinning, long walks in the rain, late night chats and more. Our congratulations to you. We hope to hear how this one develops and update you sleaze fans as and when. Heres hoping this one does not end as tragically as the last time Jim got close to a lady, I am running out of places to bury them ever since Evil Joe started dumping his ‘guests’ in my hiding place.
Speaking of Evil Joe there is little of note to report beyond his most recent library book loans which include ‘The Human Body: How Sex Works’, ‘Medieval Whips and Chains’ and ‘Spy Photography: The Bathroom Window Edition’. Not sure what he is planning but we wish him the best of luck with it.
So that brings us nicely to London the capital of depraved activity. It seems that both Adam and Tristan have managed to gain employment of some description. Adam gets paid of playing with computers all day long. Other perks of the jobs include unlimited free coke (no Jim not the good sort), lunch with the boss and an incredibly attractive co-worker named Betty (do not tell Mira). Basically Adams day involves fixing Betty’s mistakes and creating ‘code for adverts’ whatever that means. Sleazy Tiger is considering getting some adverts created and posted all over the internet, something along the lines of ‘Tiger seeks sex kitten – cripplingly low self esteem a prerequisite: yes I mean you with the funny eyebrows. Must be interested in giving me £400 to pay the rent this month’.
In the mean time Tristan has asked me to enquire if anyone is looking for a spacious two bed in the up-and-coming area of Queens Park North West London, £280 per week. He is now a lettings consultant and spends his day doing what he does best, lying to the unsuspecting public and tricking them into purchasing that dodgy one bed with the body in the basement, speaking of Joe was that you again? Please stop stealing the keys from Tristan’s office and depositing your ‘mishaps’. The draw back to Tristan’s job is the fact that it involves working 8-8 six days a week. Still Mira is glad to have him out of the flat for a while!
Anyway, time for me to go and collect my new business cards before hitting the local strip club.
Ciao,
ST
P.s. Which Jugglesocer is your 'good' 'bad' and 'ugly'. Text 077796613157, Vote now!!!
So, news, Jim… It would seem that he has managed to procure a female for staff spinning, long walks in the rain, late night chats and more. Our congratulations to you. We hope to hear how this one develops and update you sleaze fans as and when. Heres hoping this one does not end as tragically as the last time Jim got close to a lady, I am running out of places to bury them ever since Evil Joe started dumping his ‘guests’ in my hiding place.
Speaking of Evil Joe there is little of note to report beyond his most recent library book loans which include ‘The Human Body: How Sex Works’, ‘Medieval Whips and Chains’ and ‘Spy Photography: The Bathroom Window Edition’. Not sure what he is planning but we wish him the best of luck with it.
So that brings us nicely to London the capital of depraved activity. It seems that both Adam and Tristan have managed to gain employment of some description. Adam gets paid of playing with computers all day long. Other perks of the jobs include unlimited free coke (no Jim not the good sort), lunch with the boss and an incredibly attractive co-worker named Betty (do not tell Mira). Basically Adams day involves fixing Betty’s mistakes and creating ‘code for adverts’ whatever that means. Sleazy Tiger is considering getting some adverts created and posted all over the internet, something along the lines of ‘Tiger seeks sex kitten – cripplingly low self esteem a prerequisite: yes I mean you with the funny eyebrows. Must be interested in giving me £400 to pay the rent this month’.
In the mean time Tristan has asked me to enquire if anyone is looking for a spacious two bed in the up-and-coming area of Queens Park North West London, £280 per week. He is now a lettings consultant and spends his day doing what he does best, lying to the unsuspecting public and tricking them into purchasing that dodgy one bed with the body in the basement, speaking of Joe was that you again? Please stop stealing the keys from Tristan’s office and depositing your ‘mishaps’. The draw back to Tristan’s job is the fact that it involves working 8-8 six days a week. Still Mira is glad to have him out of the flat for a while!
Anyway, time for me to go and collect my new business cards before hitting the local strip club.
Ciao,
ST
P.s. Which Jugglesocer is your 'good' 'bad' and 'ugly'. Text 077796613157, Vote now!!!
Sunday, 11 October 2009
Autumn, the snuggling season
So I felt it were about time update you jokers on the movements of Pixie Lott. That is right, just to prove she is not just another one time deal like the rest. According to her twitter updates she has been jet setting across Europe in Paris and Vienna but is now back home. She just could not stay away from this tiger any longer. Feel free to follow both Victoria and myself on twitter.
In other slightly more relevant news Evil Joe has discovered a fledgling juggling club in Essex! And as an added bonus on of the ladies involved in the club is “rather attractive”. Good luck sir!
In other slightly more relevant news Evil Joe has discovered a fledgling juggling club in Essex! And as an added bonus on of the ladies involved in the club is “rather attractive”. Good luck sir!
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